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How I got involved with mens' work.....
There are many sides or facets to me. Some may only see one side of me. And some may be interested only in that side of me that has what we have in common. And there are some sides that I rarely discuss with others.
I'm going to talk about one of those sides of me.
I've been involved with the mythopoetic mens' movement for nearly 20 years. It all started in 1994, when I attended a panel at the DAMNations RG -- the Mensa Regional Gathering based in Dayton, OH. On the panel were Skinner, Doug Fitzsimmons, and Chris Bart. Some of the take-away points I remember from that panel:
- In 1990, American poet Robert Bly wrote a book called Iron John: A Book About Men. It took the old story of "Iron John" and used it as a metaphor to describe the modern male psyche. The "Wild Man" is in the lake and it needs to be emptied, bucket by bucket, in order to free him.
- Men typically don't talk about what's going on inside themselves. They'd rather talk about things external to them -- the weather, sports, news, sometimes politics.
- The only emotion men typically show in public is anger -- rarely do they show fear, sadness, joy, or shame.
- There is a group of men in town that gather once a month.
So that fall, I started attending that group: The Dayton Mens' Council. We met at a church in Kettering. The evening would start with drumming. Then we would cover the agreements, such as "Confidentiality. Whatever is said here stays here." "Tell the truth." "If you are angry, be angry." "If you are drunk or high, say so." "Use 'I' statements." "Any man may pass." These agreements helped to create a safe space for men to open up and be clear and honest with each other.
One of the concepts we discussed in the group was that of archetypes. These were developed by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, and used to map out some of the aspects of the psyche. One of the books that covered this in detail is King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette. (A great introduction to these archetypes can be found at http://artofmanliness.com/2011/07/31/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/.)
Some of the men talked about a weekend activity called the New Warrior Training Adventure sponsored by an organization now known as the Mankind Project. I took the brochure, but didn't jump at it right away. At around $500, I thought the cost was a bit prohibitive. It wasn't until the fall of 1997 -- three years later -- that I decided that I was going to do this. I put down a deposit and set up a payment plan. And I went on this journey. I wrote about my experience here, back in October 1992.
The NWTA has been one of the most significant things I've done in my life. What I didn't mention in that original entry is that I was able to stand up to my father after that weekend. And I touched the piece of God within me -- hot and blazing white -- that weekend. (You know that section of Babylon 5 where we find out that a piece of Kosh was inside Sheridan? Yeah, it's kind of like that.) Not many folks in science fiction fandom, or any other subgroup I'm in, would dare to take this journey -- looking within oneself is scary work, but very rewarding. Many are, in my opinion, content with sitting back and either watch or read other people's adventures, instead of living their own adventure.
And I'm still affiliated with this group, 15 years later. I'm still in contact with several of the men who staffed my Weekend. And I meet weekly with other men in my area who have also done the Weekend. This is my integration group, or "I-group". What have I learned from my involvement with these men? Commitment. Accountability. Integrity. We hold each other accountable in a compassionate way. And we are strong enough to be vulnerable.
Someone outside the group that would observe us in action may think that it's a lot like the movie "Fight Club". In a way, it's an emotional workout, like going to the gym. But we don't pummel each other to a bloody pulp. Some nights, I cry. Some nights, I rage. And some nights, I'm supporting other men in those emotional states. I often leave the meetings feeling a lot better about myself. Some men who have a set of good friends might get the same type of support. But for someone like me, who doesn't have a lot of these deep friendships, this group is beneficial.
I know there are other mens' organizations out there, but I don't hear much about them these days. I remember hearing about the Promise Keepers. But after researching them, I found that they were too fundamentalist Christian for me. Also, most of what I've read about them was in alternative papers, and they painted a less-than-flattering picture about that group. How does MKP compare with them? I don't know enough to make a valid comparison.
I'm going to talk about one of those sides of me.
I've been involved with the mythopoetic mens' movement for nearly 20 years. It all started in 1994, when I attended a panel at the DAMNations RG -- the Mensa Regional Gathering based in Dayton, OH. On the panel were Skinner, Doug Fitzsimmons, and Chris Bart. Some of the take-away points I remember from that panel:
- In 1990, American poet Robert Bly wrote a book called Iron John: A Book About Men. It took the old story of "Iron John" and used it as a metaphor to describe the modern male psyche. The "Wild Man" is in the lake and it needs to be emptied, bucket by bucket, in order to free him.
- Men typically don't talk about what's going on inside themselves. They'd rather talk about things external to them -- the weather, sports, news, sometimes politics.
- The only emotion men typically show in public is anger -- rarely do they show fear, sadness, joy, or shame.
- There is a group of men in town that gather once a month.
So that fall, I started attending that group: The Dayton Mens' Council. We met at a church in Kettering. The evening would start with drumming. Then we would cover the agreements, such as "Confidentiality. Whatever is said here stays here." "Tell the truth." "If you are angry, be angry." "If you are drunk or high, say so." "Use 'I' statements." "Any man may pass." These agreements helped to create a safe space for men to open up and be clear and honest with each other.
One of the concepts we discussed in the group was that of archetypes. These were developed by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, and used to map out some of the aspects of the psyche. One of the books that covered this in detail is King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette. (A great introduction to these archetypes can be found at http://artofmanliness.com/2011/07/31/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/.)
Some of the men talked about a weekend activity called the New Warrior Training Adventure sponsored by an organization now known as the Mankind Project. I took the brochure, but didn't jump at it right away. At around $500, I thought the cost was a bit prohibitive. It wasn't until the fall of 1997 -- three years later -- that I decided that I was going to do this. I put down a deposit and set up a payment plan. And I went on this journey. I wrote about my experience here, back in October 1992.
The NWTA has been one of the most significant things I've done in my life. What I didn't mention in that original entry is that I was able to stand up to my father after that weekend. And I touched the piece of God within me -- hot and blazing white -- that weekend. (You know that section of Babylon 5 where we find out that a piece of Kosh was inside Sheridan? Yeah, it's kind of like that.) Not many folks in science fiction fandom, or any other subgroup I'm in, would dare to take this journey -- looking within oneself is scary work, but very rewarding. Many are, in my opinion, content with sitting back and either watch or read other people's adventures, instead of living their own adventure.
And I'm still affiliated with this group, 15 years later. I'm still in contact with several of the men who staffed my Weekend. And I meet weekly with other men in my area who have also done the Weekend. This is my integration group, or "I-group". What have I learned from my involvement with these men? Commitment. Accountability. Integrity. We hold each other accountable in a compassionate way. And we are strong enough to be vulnerable.
Someone outside the group that would observe us in action may think that it's a lot like the movie "Fight Club". In a way, it's an emotional workout, like going to the gym. But we don't pummel each other to a bloody pulp. Some nights, I cry. Some nights, I rage. And some nights, I'm supporting other men in those emotional states. I often leave the meetings feeling a lot better about myself. Some men who have a set of good friends might get the same type of support. But for someone like me, who doesn't have a lot of these deep friendships, this group is beneficial.
I know there are other mens' organizations out there, but I don't hear much about them these days. I remember hearing about the Promise Keepers. But after researching them, I found that they were too fundamentalist Christian for me. Also, most of what I've read about them was in alternative papers, and they painted a less-than-flattering picture about that group. How does MKP compare with them? I don't know enough to make a valid comparison.
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