I've been pondering similar thoughts to that lately. I'm making headway on understanding the issue. I'm not sure how I'm doing as far as implementing anything practical.
I've started to grok this concept a few years ago. In the past, I've equated vulnerability with weakness. That's changing. For me, being emotionally vulnerable means opening myself up to the risk of having my heart stomped on and drop-kicked -- in short, being hurt. It's damned uncomfortable and fearful for me to surrender to my trust that other people won't hurt me if I open up to them.
Beleve it or not most women have the same fears. Especially if they have been hurt as children or teens. Often the strength to be vulnerable comes from the emotional support systems that we grow up with. Mine came mostly from surragate grand-parents who all died off by my early teens. One even betrayed my trust in a very unforgivable way.
I know that I'm a funny combination of extreme vulnerability and feirce self protectiveness that makes it very hard to open the most secretive of doors that I have hidden within to anyone. If I do manage to open them to someone they never manage to stay open for long.
Opening up is the only way to finding happiness but the sharing the deep scars is not easy.
So I think I understand you on at least some levels about how uncomfortable and scary it is to surrender and trust that you won't be hurt if you open up.
Good thing to think about though. Thanks for creating a chance to re-examine my thinking on this one. It lead to a minor epiphany for me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-08 02:32 am (UTC)I've started to grok this concept a few years ago. In the past, I've equated vulnerability with weakness. That's changing. For me, being emotionally vulnerable means opening myself up to the risk of having my heart stomped on and drop-kicked -- in short, being hurt. It's damned uncomfortable and fearful for me to surrender to my trust that other people won't hurt me if I open up to them.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-08 06:31 pm (UTC)I know that I'm a funny combination of extreme vulnerability and feirce self protectiveness that makes it very hard to open the most secretive of doors that I have hidden within to anyone. If I do manage to open them to someone they never manage to stay open for long.
Opening up is the only way to finding happiness but the sharing the deep scars is not easy.
So I think I understand you on at least some levels about how uncomfortable and scary it is to surrender and trust that you won't be hurt if you open up.
Good thing to think about though. Thanks for creating a chance to re-examine my thinking on this one. It lead to a minor epiphany for me.