Am I outgrowing fandom?
May. 26th, 2005 11:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
poltr1Many of my filk friends are going to Marcon this weekend.
Not me.
Not this year.
And no, it has nothing to do with money.
For the past several years, when I've gone to cons, I've felt like an outsider looking in. That I wasn't actively participating in the con and its events, but observing.
I remember the early days when I was new to fandom, slavishly following the schedule, trying to see as many panels and meet as many people as I could, and walking fast in the convention halls between panels as if it's class change between periods in high school. Now, the panels aren't as interesting or as attracting to me, and the people I meet would rather go to a panel than spend time with me chatting or eating. One year, the folks in Starward Bound got together for dinner, and there wasn't any room at the table for me. So I had to eat my dinner all by myself.
I used to get dressed up for cons. Not anymore. Part of that is a bad experience at an SCA event, when I had to leave the event site and make a phone call. I was alone, and still in my SCA garb, attracting negative attention, stares, and ridicule from "the mundanes".
Is it because I've grown older? Or is it because I've chosen to stop living in an escapist fantasy? Or is it because I've chosen to follow the beat of my own drummer and not follow the crowd? Or is it because I feel that my presence is merely tolerated and not welcomed? Or maybe fandom no longer holds as strong as an interest for me as it once did.
Gafiation is a lonely road indeed.
As for Marcon, I'll miss the filkers, and the eye candy. :) But I won't miss the media geeks dressed up as their favorite character, the Klingon frat boys at the Big Bar on 2, the LARPers and gamers in their own worlds, the slim pickings in the con suite, the crowded elevators in the Hyatt, and the rampant drunkenness and partying that seems to go on every year at Marcon.
I'd rather nurse my beer and sit (or stand) around the fire, chatting, singing, and playing through the night until the sun comes up. But now that I'm a dad, and have responsibilities, I just can't afford to that anymore, and neither can my body.
Not me.
Not this year.
And no, it has nothing to do with money.
For the past several years, when I've gone to cons, I've felt like an outsider looking in. That I wasn't actively participating in the con and its events, but observing.
I remember the early days when I was new to fandom, slavishly following the schedule, trying to see as many panels and meet as many people as I could, and walking fast in the convention halls between panels as if it's class change between periods in high school. Now, the panels aren't as interesting or as attracting to me, and the people I meet would rather go to a panel than spend time with me chatting or eating. One year, the folks in Starward Bound got together for dinner, and there wasn't any room at the table for me. So I had to eat my dinner all by myself.
I used to get dressed up for cons. Not anymore. Part of that is a bad experience at an SCA event, when I had to leave the event site and make a phone call. I was alone, and still in my SCA garb, attracting negative attention, stares, and ridicule from "the mundanes".
Is it because I've grown older? Or is it because I've chosen to stop living in an escapist fantasy? Or is it because I've chosen to follow the beat of my own drummer and not follow the crowd? Or is it because I feel that my presence is merely tolerated and not welcomed? Or maybe fandom no longer holds as strong as an interest for me as it once did.
Gafiation is a lonely road indeed.
As for Marcon, I'll miss the filkers, and the eye candy. :) But I won't miss the media geeks dressed up as their favorite character, the Klingon frat boys at the Big Bar on 2, the LARPers and gamers in their own worlds, the slim pickings in the con suite, the crowded elevators in the Hyatt, and the rampant drunkenness and partying that seems to go on every year at Marcon.
I'd rather nurse my beer and sit (or stand) around the fire, chatting, singing, and playing through the night until the sun comes up. But now that I'm a dad, and have responsibilities, I just can't afford to that anymore, and neither can my body.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-27 02:48 pm (UTC)I've tried to get involved with music in other ways, but I haven't found anywhere outside of filk were the format is, as the daughter of a filker explained to a freind "It's like a party where a bunch of friends get together to sing songs they wrote and stole from other people."
Anyway, we all need different things from different people and subcultures at different times, and if fandom ain't for you anymore, so be it. And maybe it's time to find or organize a time and place to nurse a beer sitting around the fire chatting, singing, and playing 'till a reasonable hour for a dad with responsibilities to go to bed.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-27 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-28 03:31 am (UTC)But more to the point, and the point I think most gafiats miss... Cons are a place where you *have to* make your own party. Find the thing about cons that brings you the greatest amount of personal happiness and Go Do That. For me, that's volunteering. I'd rather run/work any con, than just go to panels or hang out in filk rooms. I need a sense of *purpose* at my con, or it's all total shite to me, no matter what sorts of people I make or connections I foster. -H...
no subject
Date: 2005-05-30 03:28 am (UTC)What's the price of a one-day pass? $30? Seems a rather high price to pay when I'm getting only one slice of the pie (i.e. the filkers) when I want more of the convention experience (and thus get my money's worth). But that's a mental want, not an emotional want, and certainly not a need.
Yeah, Nick did a great job at last year's OVFF. I'd love to help him out this coming October. The biggest challenge for a con suite for a con the size of Marcon is this: feed a huge number of people on a limited budget. All the "good stuff" (meats, sandwiches, sushi (!)) goes quickly, and the only things left are chips and pop. Not to mention some possible legal constraints in the contract in order to prevent the con suite from competing with the vendors in the food court.
I used to love to do panels. The last one I did for Marcon was in '99. I applied online (since I was on one in '98), and got no response....until I looked at the program book and saw that I was on in 20 minutes. A gofer heard me, hustled me off the the Green Room (now there's where the Real Food is!), where someone on staff (Kim Williams?) apologized profusely and verbally assured me that I'd be comped. Well, verbal contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on, and I didn't get comped until I brought it to the treasurer's attention several months later. They comped me for the previous year, and the current year. So yes, they recovered, but I expected better from them, and haven't done any panels at Marcon since.
Another wrinkle is that I gotta have The Wife's blessing before I volunteer, since I often end up dumping the parental duties onto her. This year, I stayed with The Girl while R and her friend Carol went to the dealers' room and had a few hours to shop without having to worry about The Girl having a meltdown or throwing a tantrum in the dealers' room, which is what happened last year.
Marcon = Snarkon
Date: 2005-05-29 08:16 am (UTC)The last con I attended was Marcon and I felt SO weirded out by some of the people there. I don't fit in, I really don't. So, that makes number 5,676 in my list of places I don't belong anymore. The older you get, or so it seems to me so far, the fewer places you like to be...maybe that's why old people are continually cranky or on happy pills? I dunno, but either way, I'm consistently alienated from those I once thought part of "my tribe."
Thank you for this post, it really made me think more about this.
-Candi-