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Reflections on "No More Mr. Nice Guy"....
Jan. 21st, 2007 12:14 amI just finished reading a book by Dr. Robert A. Glover that has effectively summarized what we've talked about in my mens' group for years. He's given it a name: the Nice Guy Syndrome.
What is a Nice Guy? It's a man who has been conditioned to seek the approval and validation of others, and by so doing, be loved, get his needs met, and have a problem-free life.
How did this conditioning happen? After World War II, our fathers went to work, and our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers raised us. Our fathers weren't around for us sons to hang around with. Many of our schoolteachers were women. The Vietnam War divided pro-war parents and anti-war sons. And radical feminism implied that men were bad and/or unnecessary. As a result, us boys didn't have any male models on which to pattern our lives during the formative years.
For the past few years, I've been working on being a Recovering Nice Guy. Some of the items listed in the book described me to a T. There are some Nice Guy behaviors I used to do but no longer, and there are Nice Guy behaviors that I still do. Getting into the specifics would be beyond what I care to write in this online journal. (Yes, I know, this is "Nice Guy" behavior, but this is an open post.)
I think all men should read this book.
Check out Dr. Glover's website at nomoremrniceguy.com.
[Updated 11:10 EST] Made minor edits and additions as denoted.
What is a Nice Guy? It's a man who has been conditioned to seek the approval and validation of others, and by so doing, be loved, get his needs met, and have a problem-free life.
How did this conditioning happen? After World War II, our fathers went to work, and our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers raised us. Our fathers weren't around for us sons to hang around with. Many of our schoolteachers were women. The Vietnam War divided pro-war parents and anti-war sons. And radical feminism implied that men were bad and/or unnecessary. As a result, us boys didn't have any male models on which to pattern our lives during the formative years.
For the past few years, I've been working on being a Recovering Nice Guy. Some of the items listed in the book described me to a T. There are some Nice Guy behaviors I used to do but no longer, and there are Nice Guy behaviors that I still do. Getting into the specifics would be beyond what I care to write in this online journal. (Yes, I know, this is "Nice Guy" behavior, but this is an open post.)
I think all men should read this book.
Check out Dr. Glover's website at nomoremrniceguy.com.
[Updated 11:10 EST] Made minor edits and additions as denoted.
