Asking for help and advice......
Mar. 29th, 2006 05:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
poltr1I've never been good asking for help and advice. I've always been the stubborn, self-sufficient type.
When I consider asking for help, one of my inner voices booms, "Asking for help is a sign of weakness." (I can imagine Lt. Worf saying that. In fact, the voice in my head sounds like Michael Dorn's Worf voice.) Will it make me look weak and not self-sufficient if I asked for help? And will people come to my aid?
There are two scenarios that pop into my head regarding asking for help. One is me helping someone in a wheelchair. That person responds, "I'm perfectly capable of doing this myself!" The other is holding the door open for a woman. Instead of a "thank you", she admonishes me with the same line. I can't tell if these actually happened, or if they are figments of my hyperactive imagination.
I know there are some things I can't do alone, like move heavy furniture or mattresses. But for other things, does it hurt to ask for help? It only hurts my pride.
When I consider asking for advice from other people, I begin to think, "Am I going to get good advice from this person? Or am I going to get bad advice from them? I received bad advice from people in the past, and I got burned because I followed it." This is followed by "I am nobody's sucker. I am nobody's patsy. I am nobody's fool. I trust no one and always paddle my own canoe, lest anyone steer me wrong."
Somewhere in my past, I must have received some advice from someone who was being sarcastic, or was lying to me, and only gave me the advice so I'd go away. (Yes, I was that unpopular growing up.) I have a problem discerning sarcasm from seriousness, especially if it's said wth a straight voice or only expressed via the spoken word (e.g. email). And I have difficulty distinguishing a lie from the truth. As a result, I've been reluctant to follow people's advice for me.
Even so, I reserve the right to follow or not follow people's advice; that is my choice. Several years ago, I had someone get upset at me because I didn't follow someone's advice after they gave it to me. But I'm under no obligation to follow other people's advice.
So, because of past history, whether real or imagined, it's still a struggle for me for ask for help or advice. And those tapes are hard to erase.
When I consider asking for help, one of my inner voices booms, "Asking for help is a sign of weakness." (I can imagine Lt. Worf saying that. In fact, the voice in my head sounds like Michael Dorn's Worf voice.) Will it make me look weak and not self-sufficient if I asked for help? And will people come to my aid?
There are two scenarios that pop into my head regarding asking for help. One is me helping someone in a wheelchair. That person responds, "I'm perfectly capable of doing this myself!" The other is holding the door open for a woman. Instead of a "thank you", she admonishes me with the same line. I can't tell if these actually happened, or if they are figments of my hyperactive imagination.
I know there are some things I can't do alone, like move heavy furniture or mattresses. But for other things, does it hurt to ask for help? It only hurts my pride.
When I consider asking for advice from other people, I begin to think, "Am I going to get good advice from this person? Or am I going to get bad advice from them? I received bad advice from people in the past, and I got burned because I followed it." This is followed by "I am nobody's sucker. I am nobody's patsy. I am nobody's fool. I trust no one and always paddle my own canoe, lest anyone steer me wrong."
Somewhere in my past, I must have received some advice from someone who was being sarcastic, or was lying to me, and only gave me the advice so I'd go away. (Yes, I was that unpopular growing up.) I have a problem discerning sarcasm from seriousness, especially if it's said wth a straight voice or only expressed via the spoken word (e.g. email). And I have difficulty distinguishing a lie from the truth. As a result, I've been reluctant to follow people's advice for me.
Even so, I reserve the right to follow or not follow people's advice; that is my choice. Several years ago, I had someone get upset at me because I didn't follow someone's advice after they gave it to me. But I'm under no obligation to follow other people's advice.
So, because of past history, whether real or imagined, it's still a struggle for me for ask for help or advice. And those tapes are hard to erase.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 08:09 pm (UTC)As a result learning to ask for things, even from the ones I trust to not refuse me without good reason has been very hard for me. It becomes ten times harder when ever it's something I need.
Over the past 6 years there have been times when I've really been in need and there has always been someone trying to help in at least some fashion. It has taught me to at least try. I try to keep in mind a sexy voice telling me that true weakness is the one who is too afraid to ask for help when it's honestly needed.
As for advice.... I remember a comedian I saw on tv talk show when I was little, who said that opinions are like noses, everyone has to have one, but most of then do not work the same for everybody. He meant that we should listen but decide for ourselves. I've found that to be some of the best advice I've ever gotten.
You are not alone in feeling this way is what I'm trying to say.
(((((((( HUGS )))))))))