Why I hate asking for help....
Feb. 10th, 2013 04:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
poltr1[Parts of this were originally written 7/31/12.]
One of the many things I remember from growing up in my neighborhood: One of the local fathers would push his son up and down the sidewalk, while the young son rode on his Big Wheel. At the time, I thought the son would grow up to become dependent on his father. Now, I would applaud the father for being there for his son.
Occasionally, I'll be stuck with someting and have to ask someone for assistance. When I think of asking other people for help, there's a voice in my head that repeatedly says, "Asking for help is a sign of weakness." (And the voice sounds like Lt. Worf's voice.)
I really hate being dependent on others. I should be strong and intelligent enough to figure out how to do things myself, without burdening anyone else.
If I go into a store, I don't need the sales clerks to help me. I'm perfectly capable of finding what I need all by myself. I know, it's probably part of their training to greet customers and offer assistance. But when they pounce on me within 10 seconds of entering a store, I want to scream at them, "Leave me alone!"
So what's at risk for me if I ask for help? That people will judge me as being weak and needy, that I can't do anything by myself. Or that I'll become a burden to others. Or after they help me, they'll stick out their hand and expect a tip or gratuity, like a bellhop in a facy hotel.
Last fall, we had a young man attend our fellowship for a few weeks. He had severe cerebral palsy, got around in a motorized wheelchair, and couldn't speak clearly. I made an effort to reach out to him. He came back for a few more weeks. And as I'm writing this, I realize that I haven't seen him since then.
Part of me is thinking: If I were to become that dependent on others, either through a car accident, a stroke, or some other calamity, I don't think people would provide care to me. I certainly don't have the money right now to pay for personal care assistants, and doubt that I ever will.
One of the many things I remember from growing up in my neighborhood: One of the local fathers would push his son up and down the sidewalk, while the young son rode on his Big Wheel. At the time, I thought the son would grow up to become dependent on his father. Now, I would applaud the father for being there for his son.
Occasionally, I'll be stuck with someting and have to ask someone for assistance. When I think of asking other people for help, there's a voice in my head that repeatedly says, "Asking for help is a sign of weakness." (And the voice sounds like Lt. Worf's voice.)
I really hate being dependent on others. I should be strong and intelligent enough to figure out how to do things myself, without burdening anyone else.
If I go into a store, I don't need the sales clerks to help me. I'm perfectly capable of finding what I need all by myself. I know, it's probably part of their training to greet customers and offer assistance. But when they pounce on me within 10 seconds of entering a store, I want to scream at them, "Leave me alone!"
So what's at risk for me if I ask for help? That people will judge me as being weak and needy, that I can't do anything by myself. Or that I'll become a burden to others. Or after they help me, they'll stick out their hand and expect a tip or gratuity, like a bellhop in a facy hotel.
Last fall, we had a young man attend our fellowship for a few weeks. He had severe cerebral palsy, got around in a motorized wheelchair, and couldn't speak clearly. I made an effort to reach out to him. He came back for a few more weeks. And as I'm writing this, I realize that I haven't seen him since then.
Part of me is thinking: If I were to become that dependent on others, either through a car accident, a stroke, or some other calamity, I don't think people would provide care to me. I certainly don't have the money right now to pay for personal care assistants, and doubt that I ever will.
