poltr1 | Remembering Gary Porter, aka Skinner.....

Remembering Gary Porter, aka Skinner......

As some of you may know, one of my local friends and allies, Gary Porter, passed away from cancer this past Wednesday. He survived throat cancer (2009), and anal cancer (2012), but after a valiant effort, was not able to survive lung cancer (2013).

I first met him in 1993, at a local Mensa Regional Gathering (RG for short). In Mensa, he was known simply as "Skinner". And upon first glance, he looked rather intimidating: a black sleeveless "Hell's Mensans" T-shirt, a leather jacket, jeans, and boots. You'd think he had just stepped off his Harley in the parking lot. But looks are often deceiving. As I got to know him, he was one of the most down-to-earth people I've known.

It was through Gary that I was introduced to mens' work. In 1994, he, along with two other men, led a panel at the DAMNations RG about men's work. Through them, I found out about the Dayton Mens' Council. And three years later, I did the New Warrior Training Adventure Weekend. (Gary did his Weekend four years earlier, in the fall of 1993.)

I was one of the few rare people to know Gary on more than one level. In his professional life, he was a Cerified Remodeler, and had his own business: G.A. Porter Construction. And at one time, he was the president of the local NARI chapter. In Mensa, he was the founder and leader of the Hell's M's special interest group. This group worked security and provided hospitality for many RGs and national Annual Gatherings (AGs). (Hell's M's is to Mensa what the Dorsai is to science fiction fandom.) And in the Mankind Project, he was involved as a leader at a local, regional, and national level. He staffed 60 NWTA Weekends, and often drove to Indianapolis to attend meetings.

One of my fondest memories of him was his annual "Skinner Party". He, along with his wife Yvonne, would hold an "open house" party every August at their home in Dayton, which coincided with their anniversary. They would invite people from the various facets of their lives and we would all mingle. Their backyard was an oasis, with a pond, a hot tub, and a couple of Sky Chairs. And Yvonne -- "she who feeds" -- always provided a great and generous spread of foods at these parties.

Gary epitomized the Warrior archetype. At one time in his life, he studied martial arts. And he often mentioned that in order to be a warrior, one must think and act like a warrior. Last year, a very good friend of mine told me about a Facebook page called "Warrior Wisdom and the Warrior Lifestyle". This page, maintained by US martial arts expert Bodhi Sanders, contained many nuggets of wisdom as mentioned in his series of books.

As well and as long as we knew each other, I'm not sure if our relationship could be considered as "friends" or "allies". We didn't hang out together. It was more of a mentor/protege relationship than a peer-to-peer relationship. He had a strong sense of principles, especially when it came to his word. To him, his word was his bond. He demanded it from himself, and expected it from others. Last year, when he gave me a ride to an event in Cincinnati one Saturday morning, I was late by 15 minutes, as I had to scrape freezing rain from my windshield. As we drove on I-75 and passed through Middletown, he looked at me and said, "We had an agreement." I perceived him to be unforgiving and inflexible, but he stuck to his principles. But at the same time, he was never flippant or sarcastic with me.

Even though he was an atheist, he was one of the most spiritual people I've known. His mission statement was "I create a joyous world by empowering the hidden gold in everyone."

I am a better man for having known him. He will be missed. And the world is a poorer place now that he's gone.

Here is his obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dayton/obituary.aspx?n=gary-alan-aka-skinner-porter&pid=164456668