Box A24.....

[poltr1]

I just completed going through a box of old mail and correspondence from 1989-91. I had been putting off going through this box for months.

What was in this box? Letters from my parents. Letters from my sister. Letters from friends in Buffalo, Ohio, and elsewhere. Old wedding invitations. Christmas cards from 1989 and 1990. (Am I the only one who saves old cards?)


In a way, it was like a time capsule from my life back then. I had just started my first full-time job here in Dayton. I had a good rapport with my co-workers. And I went to SF conventions to meet people with a common interest -- programming was secondary.

As I was reading the old cards and notes, I asked myself, "Where are some of those people now? Where did they go?" The folks I met at gaming and SF conventions -- Dennis, Atlanta, and Marlene (we never actually met; she was a friend of a friend) -- I haven't heard from or seen in years. I don't even know if they're still active in fandom or gaming. I very rarely see any of my former co-workers from TRW or Battelle.

I don't remember any big blow-ups with any of them. We just drifted apart and lost contact. I'd love to drop them a line, but I probably don't have current addresses for them. Some have changed their names, usually through marriage. And some may have passed away. (And yes, I'm tired of me always having to initiate or re-initiate contact. Very few people seek me out.)

And that's partly why I avoid making friends in the workplace. When one of us moves on, the friendship dissolves. I sometimes worry that the same thing will happen in the current circles of friends I'm in now -- filk, LJ, the Bismarck, my I-group. It's happened in the past in the various groups I used to be in -- now that I'm no longer in the group, I'm like a stranger to them.

Comments

[figmo.livejournal.com]

And that's partly why I avoid making friends in the workplace. When one of us moves on, the friendship dissolves. I sometimes worry that the same thing will happen in the current circles of friends I'm in now -- filk, LJ, the Bismarck, my I-group. It's happened in the past in the various groups I used to be in -- now that I'm no longer in the group, I'm like a stranger to them.

It depends upon the people. I've got friends who I first met on the job. What made the friendships work were common outside interests. The folks I see from my jobs from way-back-when are the folks I used to run into at SF cons and other outside activities.

OTOH, out here industries tend to be incestuous. I was once at a former technical writer co-worker's wedding where a bunch of us didn't know each other, but each of us knew folks in common. By the end of the wedding we were all exchanging gossip like we'd been together for years. Many a sentence would go along the lines of, "I just heard from [insert name], but you wouldn't know them" with someone responding "You mean [insert name] [lastname]? Of course I know them! I used to work with them at [insert name of company]!"

In broadcasting the industry is smaller and even more incestuous...but that goes in my journal. :-)

[poltr1]

What made the friendships work were common outside interests.

And that is a key factor. I know I've often tried to blend or cross the various subgroups I'm in, and the results haven't been favorable. People will do what *they* want to do. And many of them weren't interested in seeing other facets of me than the one I showed them, the one that showed that I had something in common with them. There are exceptions, of course, but they were few and far between.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

One difference between where you live and where I live is there's a strong overlap between the high tech industry and SF fandom. I'm even finding radio folks who are fannish!

[mrlogic.livejournal.com]

No, I save old cards and correspondence too. As well as a lot of other stuff. Oh, dear, you don't want to hear about my packrattish tendencies...