The naming of products.......

[poltr1]

I am often amused by the names some products have. While pushing my cart down the aisles of the local supermarket, I'll see......

Vicks Formula 44. And in the next aisle, Formula 409. How did they go from cough syrup to all-purpose cleaner in 365 iterations?

Absorbine Jr. A liquid medicine for athlete's foot. Whatever happened to Absorbine Sr.? And will there be an Absorbine III?

Finger cots. Oh look! Condoms for fingers!

Ugli fruit. Yeah, they're ugly, all right. But how do they taste?

Kumquats. Mr. Carlin can't even look at the sign! He sits there, laughing, while they go to waste.

Potted Meat Food Product. It doesn't get more generic than this, folks. Mystery Meat in a can.

Stoned Wheat Thins. Oh wow, man! Pass the J, I need another hit. (I've had them. They're very good.)

Any product in the laundry aisle. (I try to avoid that aisle because I'm assaulted by all the perfumes they put in the stuff.)

Pasteurized Process Cheese Food. What you feed to Pasteurized Process Cheeses.

Easy Cheese. For those who find slicing cheese to be too much effort.

Cheese Whiz. I didn't know cheeses can DO that!

Gimme some others.

Comments

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

Preparation H. Who beta tested Preparations A through G, and why?

[poltr1]

They probably used guys in the Navy to be their "guinea pigs". Meanwhile, guys in the Army were subject to applications of Compounds A through V.

[dagonell.livejournal.com]

My favorite: Light Dark Beer :D
-- Dagonell

[poltr1]

For what it's worth, a former work colleague of mine has a digital analog watch. It has real clock hands, and the old Digital Equipment Corp. logo on the watch face.

[doeadear.livejournal.com]

I have always called Finger Cots "Finger Condoms". Ugli fruit tastes like chicken. And you eat lots of wheat thins when stoned.

I don't think I have any more to add, it is late, but even later there! Although I am amused when I see those signs on the road that say "$1000 Fine for Littering". Gee, if someone was littering with $1,000 you wouldn't need work crews to pick up the trash!

[poltr1]

Too bad they weren't "Lubricated For Her Pleasure". ;-) Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say-no-more say-no-more!

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

Once I saw sign that said, "Pay Toll 500 Feet". I looked at myself and my three companions in the car and concluded that we were 492 feet short.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Well, at least one of these I can answer. :)

Absorbine was a horse liniment. Here's the straight dope...

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

And for the pedants among us, ugli fruit does not in fact taste like chicken ("Bullshit! The only thing that tastes like chicken is CHICKEN!"). Ugli fruit is a citrus, comprable in flavor to an underflavoured orange, on the juicier side, with a thicker peel. I've had 4 in the last 3 days :) -H...

[min0taur.livejournal.com]

Vicks Formula 44 ... Formula 409. How did they go from cough syrup to all-purpose cleaner in 365 iterations?

Actually they couldn't decide whether to use it as a firearm lubricant or a hi-performanc efuel additive for a Chevy V-8; indecision always produces more iterations. (Or maybe it doesn't. I dunno. What do you think? Maybe we should try that again . . .)

Among my favorites for bad taste (especially if you don't like heavy cinnamon) is the "Atomic Fireball" candy that came out about the same year as Conelrad and Cold War duck-and-cover drills (armageddon in yer mouth, oh yeah), or the later "Atomic Balm" (sic) that my high-school-basketball trainer used on sprains (though I never saw a bandaged knee glow in the dark). . .