poltr1 | They really do mean "every flavor"!

During my lunch break one day this past week, I stopped in at a local Borders bookstore. Prominently displayed was a cardboard "house" holding copies of the Harry Potter movie, in VHS, DVD, and DVD Widescreen formats. They also had boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans for $1.99 apiece.

The beans are made by the same company who makes Jelly Belly jelly beans. And sure enough, they came up with some rather interesting flavors in addition to the standard Jelly Belly flavors -- according to the back of the box, they added grass, spinach, sardine, black pepper, dirt, booger, earwax (Alas! Earwax!), and vomit.

Warning: graphic (and sick) descriptions follow.

I thought they did a decent job mixing and creating the novelty flavors. Most of them tasted just like the description on the box. The dirt ones tasted like dirt, but (hopefully) didn't contain any dirt. The sardine ones tasted like fish oil. (But I didn't get any of the health benefits of omega-3. Darn!) The grass didn't taste that strongly of grass. The spinach and black pepper ones were good, but then, I like those things anyway.

I didn't care for the bodily function ones. The booger-flavored ones didn't quite taste like what I was expecting. Of course, it's been many years since I've actually tasted a real one. (Mucoidal peridontia, anyone?) I don't remember getting an earwax one. And the vomit looked and tasted like predigested chili con queso.

What flavors do I think are missing and should be introduced soon? Jalapeño, Tabasco (or cayenne), tomato, paste (the kids will love that flavor), cauliflower, asparagus, macaroni and cheese, pizza, taco, nacho cheese, garlic, onion, brussels sprouts, and broccoli (the kids will hate that one).

And what flavors should stay missing? Feces. Urine. BO. Head cheese. Spam. Limburger. Blood.

Would I get another box? Maybe. But I don't expect to make them a steady item.