Times of deep loneliness......

[poltr1]

A few weeks ago, cadhla posted something about National Cheer Up the Lonely Day. And today, another LJ-friend lamented about a friend who was falling away from her.

I've had that happen in my life, more often than I care to count. I've had friends who drifted away from me over time. I always wrote it off as "we drifted apart", since that's how it seems to happen. The contact becomes less and less frequent, and soon, there's no contact whatsoever.

I noticed that I'm usually the one to initiate contact with people, either by phone or saying hello, and that gets tiresome. It seems like the only ones who call me are bill collectors, wondering when they're going to get paid.

I still remember a painful experience in 7th grade. At lunchtime, I tried to sit with some of my classmates, and they kept saying "Goodbye, Jim." They didn't want me around. At my 10-year reunion, I asked one of them why they did that. He told me, "You were a jackass."

I've learned to live by "vampire rules" -- I don't go where I'm not invited -- as a matter of survival. I surrounded myself with material things, which gave me something to pass the time and to wall myself in (and others out).

And yes, it's damned lonely at times.

Some days I wonder if I have any friends, or if they're all surface-level acquaintances. (Deep down, I know I do, but they're often not around.)

I look at my LJ-friends list, and see that I have 56 people on the list that haven't friended me in return. Why not? Do they not know me very well? Do they not *want* to know me? Or do they choose to not reciprocate? (And yes, I realize this is a poor metric for friendship.)

I avoid making friends at work, since after one of us leaves the job, the friendship ends. That's been my experience.

If only people knew the deep sadness that lurks behind these brown eyes of mine.

Comments

[daisy-knotwise.livejournal.com]

OK, you need to get outside yourself more.
Have you considered doing volunteer work?
mentoring, Tutoring, Adult Literacy?

The deeper you wallow in yourself, the less folks will try to pull you out.

You have to try and climb out on your own.

Cliches, I know, but they have a basis in truth.
The best way to make a friend is to be one.

I've had lots of friends that have drifted away. Life changes, job changes all kinds of reasons.
Did I enjoy them less at the time?
No. I value all the time I had them as friends.
Nothing lasts forever.
Grab TODAY!

GHR

[kliklikitty.livejournal.com]

Dear, you already know that things do not actually replace people. Friendships, are gifts of the spirit on both ends for as long as they last. But like Christmas Trees and Yule Logs, I do not expect them to last forever. In my family we have classifications for our friends,

1) true friends/Family whom you hang out with, and can call just because.

2) work place friends whom you can talk and shoot the breeze with at work, they help enliven the work experience and make the days go faster.

3) internet friends are the people whom you reach out to and reach out to you in turn via the either waves, you both invite each other into your homes by your regular interactions through the either waves.

4) casual friends and aquaintences, they are the people talk to on the internet from time to time or meet on the bus or at a store.

All of these types of friendship enrich our lives in so many ways, each helps our hearts and souls grow and be happy. If you try and reach out and let others reach out to you it will help a lot.

You don't need to be the...

""Lonely boy, lonely and blue, all alone, with nothing to do.""


Did you know that not a day goes by that I do not check my LJ because I'm hoping to see a post from either you, yourmommma, or dagonell. A tri-fecta for me is any day that you all post on. In other words I daily open my house and heart to you my friend.

daisy knotwise is right. Grab Today.