With every year, it's harder for me to feel the joy........

[poltr1]

Christmas is only 19 days away as I write this.

Every year, it's such a big and long buildup to The Big Day. And then December 26th comes along, and it's business as usual. "Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men" gets tossed out with the gift wrap. Such a letdown.

I'm supposed to feel happiness and joy this time of year. I don't. And I refuse the "fake it 'till you make it" approach. I"m not going to put on or paint on a smile when I don't feel like smiling.,


So why am I so unhappy this time of year? There are several factors.

First, the days are getting shorter, and there is less and less sunshine. I look outside, and it looks like I'm looking at a black-and-white painting.

Second, the incessant merchandising. I don't need or want a wide-screen TV, a Lexus with a pretty red bow on it, or diamond jewelry. And don't accuse me of not supporting the economy. I simply can't afford these things, and won't go into debt buying them.

Third, I'm currently unemployed. Or as I often say, "I'm between clients". So money is tight again.

Fourth, the so-called "War On Christmas". Why do some Christians believe they have a monopoly on the holiday? Not everyone out there is Christian. Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah. Pagans celebrate Yule. Why can't people understand and accept that we all have different faiths? Is that so hard?

Fifth, I"m divorced and currently have no one special in my life. I have an artificial Christmas tree, but I haven't put it up since The Ex moved out in the fall of '06. (I should put it up for sale on Craigslist.) I also have no room to put it. Why bother putting up and decorating a tree, only to take it all down in a couple of weeks?

Sixth, I get stressed out sending the holiday cards. Some people expect them. And some people receive them but don't send me cards in return. Once again, I'll be paring down my list.


So, what can I do to cope? I'm open to suggestions.

Comments

[harperjen.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the first comment not working right. Was trying to say that autographedcat has a good point. Making a list of the people and things that are the good parts of your life (your daughter, for one!!) can help. I had to re-train my brain when I first struggled with depression--I wasn't actively suicidal, but I thought about it a lot--but I had to pummel my brain to actively find good things, even if they were tiny and trivial: getting a decent parking space, the "mmmmm" of that first sip of coffee/tea, re-reading a favorite book: AND BEING CONSCIOUS OF THAT ENJOYMENT. I won't say "and now I'm sweetness & light all the time and all the shadows are gone", because I'd be totally lying, but I will say that it can help you refocus. Peace to you, my friend, this first week back at home. Hang in there!